Confused and confused-er

I am a Christian.
What does that mean?
Is it just that I'm trying to be a good person - following in the footsteps of my ultimate role model - Jesus Christ?
That's what I read in 1 John 2:6 (NIV) - "Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did."

But I'm also a sinful human being.
I'm trying to "live as Jesus did".
I'm failing miserably.
I'm confused.

I live in this world.
This world tells me to "believe in myself".
It tells me that if I just do that - I can do anything!
It's "me first" all the way.

But when it's "me first" I just head into the darkness.
1 John 2:9-11 (Message)
"Anyone who claims to live in God’s light and hates a brother or sister is still in the dark. It’s the person who loves brother and sister who dwells in God’s light and doesn’t block the light from others. But whoever hates is still in the dark, stumbles around in the dark, doesn’t know which end is up, blinded by the darkness."

I'm confused-er.
Darkness or light?
Jesus first or me first?
Am I trying hard enough?  Am I good enough?

And then I read 1 John 2:12-14 (NIV) and get peace, comfort and clarity.
"I am writing to you, dear children,
    because your sins have been forgiven on account of his name.
I am writing to you, fathers,
    because you know him who is from the beginning.
I am writing to you, young men,
    because you have overcome the evil one.
I write to you, dear children,
    because you know the Father.
I write to you, fathers,
    because you know him who is from the beginning.
I write to you, young men,
    because you are strong,
    and the word of God lives in you,
    and you have overcome the evil one."

I AM a Christian.
I believe in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.
He gave up his divine nature and became human - so he could live a perfect life and die for me to save me from my sin.
I'm not perfect.  It's OK.
Jesus was and is so I don't have to be.

I still don't fully "get it".
I can't - because I'm a sinful human being.
My brains not capable of making it all make logical worldly sense.
And that's OK, too.
It only makes sense to me now because of the faith that the Holy Spirit has knit it into my heart.

Are you confused?
Is this all nonsense to you?
Let me introduce you to my friend, my Savior, my Jesus.

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Know Jesus, know peace.
No Jesus, no peace.
Amen.
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